The daycare panic is back.

The last couple of days have been wrought with anxiety. I've been thinking about going back to work and leaving my newborn babe in someone else's arms. I'm having a hard time enjoying these sweet moments with her, knowing they will end in a few short weeks--way too soon.

It all began when I started thinking about pumping. I want to begin building my freezer supply, so I was reading the section on "When you can't be with your baby" in The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding. I read this and wept: "The research-based reality is that neither one of you is built, physiologically or emotionally, for long and regular separations. Growing research from a number of different countries shows that a baby who is separated from his mother for the hours that full-time outside work require has elevated cortisol levels--a clear sign of stress." What new mom needs to read that? Although I couldn't tell you what the research says, I could have told you that I'm not built to leave my baby, and I have a feeling that she likes me best, too.

I know that this anxiety isn't helpful. I know that I should focus on the now. I know it. I do. But my heart aches.

It just feels so unnatural.