This bag of bones

This body and me, we've been at odds my whole life.

As the water ran down my body in the shower, I felt battle scarred. I was wounded--bruised, torn, swollen, and lumpy. And then I realized that we did fight a battle. We worked together to battle for Klara's life. Together, we grew her and birthed her. My body and I were on the same side of the enemy line for once.

Through being hurt, I was healed. I learned that this body that I spent so much time loathing has done me well, never more than in this moment while my newborn sleeps peacefully in my lap.

I'm learning to appreciate the magical strength of my body. I'm proud of these wounds--these wounds that allow my heart to beat outside of my chest, in my sleeping baby.

Ready or not.

On days when my feet are huge and I'm throwing up and I can barely keep up at the store, I just want this to be over.

I know, though, that I'm going to miss this.

Dear Baby Girl,

In some ways, we will never be closer. We have a connection that is so visceral. I love that you are safe and warm and I don't have to do much to insure that that is true. I love that I can feel your every move.

I love that I know what to do. So much is black and white right now. I read the books, they tell me how to help you grow healthy, and it's that simple. Not much is subjective--how comforting.

I love that strangers have shown an interest in us. The roundness of my belly has opened us up to advice and love and intrusion. It makes me feel like we're more connected to humanity as a whole. People care about me because they care about you. It's really beautiful, as our village is large.

I will miss this enormous belly. It's evidence of love. It's evidence of your growth. It's evidence of life. Although it gets in the way, I love it because I love you. The bigger it grows, the closer I am to having you in my arms--right where you belong.

I'm trying to cherish this time. I'm trying to remember what I love about it, but I also just want to kiss your cheeks. I don't know whether to tell you to take your time or to hurry up!

Love,

Mama

Squishy.

I was sitting between these two women in one of my most holy places--the theatre. I missed a few seconds of the play because I was thinking about how they know me well, and they even know most of my "secrets"--things I'm not exactly proud of--but, still, they love me. I've had an awful week, and I so needed to be squished between these two for a couple of hours.

When I'm with them, I feel most myself, most loved, and most alive. I wish you friends like them--friends that you just like to be with.

Feeling thankful

I love these women. A lot. You should probably be jealous that I have such amazing friends.

Portland

I fell in love with Portland. There's plenty to love. I love the community, the beer, the culture, the friends who live there, and the amazing hotel where we stayed. Is it time to go back, yet?

Mother's Day Brunch

The herb favors for the mommas

Today is slow--slow in the most beautiful way possible. I'm preparing for the Mother's Day brunch I'm having tomorrow for the mothers in my family. I'm taking time to wrap gifts, decorate, bake, chop, and smell. These are the days when my heart is most content.

How I've kept my TA busy for the last week:

On the menu:

Chocolate chip scones

Sugar-crusted raspberry muffins

Monkey bread

Brunch bake

Farmer's casserole

Chicken salad tea sandwiches

Fruit salad

Strawberry spinach salad

Banana walnut cake with caramel frosting

Chocolate chip walnut bars

Roxanne, Nana, Mom, and me

Nana with Mother and Uncle Joe

Despite the beauty of celebrating our own mothers, Mother's Day can be a really rough day for so many women. Today, I'm thinking about mothers in waiting. My wish for them? Peace.

Sweet Baby Anna

Stephanie just sent me this picture, and that little face made me smile. I can't resist posting just one more :)

Chicago Cuteness

I had a perfect visit with the Rogers over the last few days. We had fun conversation, ate wonderful food, laughed with (and at) the girls, and celebrated Easter. Have you ever had pizza at Giordano's? You clearly have not lived until you've made a trip there.

Hope basically says cute things all day long, but some of my favorite Hope-isms are:

• "Auntie Sherry, I love you so much, even when you disobey."

• (With raised eyebrows of excitement): "Want to _______________with me?" [The blank can be filled with "go to care group," "make corn cookies," "go to church," "feed Baby Grace," "sing a song," or "Call Robin" among other fun activities.]

• "This is so amazing!"

• (With squinted eyes like you would use to talk to a baby): "Auntie Sherry, you so cute." 
  

I was definitely sad to leave so much cuteness behind.

The old ones.

The sad thing about "old" friends is that we sometimes forget we need them--then we spend time together and, when we try to share our hearts, we need so few words to make them understand what we're trying to say. On a whim, two of my oldest friends and I went to dinner, which turned into drinks, which turned into meeting up with another old friend. We shared our struggles and plenty of laughs. I realized that I really do need them around.

I hope I don't forget so soon, again.

Yay for visitors.

Last month was made perfect by conversation and laughter with these people (Kimberly's behind the camera). That's my happy face.

Jenny blogged about their trip to the City by the Bay here.

Oh, dear.

You probably shouldn't have me in your wedding. I might make this face in your pictures. 

Jessica, you should definitely post some "real" wedding pictures on your blog. 

What the heck?

When I was moving pictures from my old computer to my current computer, these pictures made me laugh. Hopefully you get some enjoyment out of them, too. Or you can just be embarrassed for the people in the pictures.

Megan's attacking me, as usual.

We were so happy to hear Tyler's joyous news. Jonathan's eating ice cream to celebrate.

I don't know him. Do you think he'll find his picture on my blog? 10 "cool points" for the person who can tell me what I'm saying in this picture. Do you remember "cool dollars" from college?

I just don't know. I do know that I was not yet 21 in this picture, so I don't have an excuse. We look so sweet and innocent.

"What are these freaky bang things?" This was Spring Break 2004. I didn't get the memo to dress like an Easter egg. This is also when I didn't like Kimberly, so I was keeping my distance ;)

Pieter sucks at taking pictures. Michael! You met Jenny for the first time right after this picture!

Aww. Okay, so I threw that one in for good measure.

Drinking and driving; this was early on in Jessica's relationship with Kevin. His attempt to make a good impression, I guess. Those are my feet in the background, so Jessica was obviously the impressed one with the camera.

We'll keep her.

I'm digging the girl who can make my brother smile like this. 

There's something about the ocean.

I want to breathe the beach air, today. 

How many points do you think this has?

So, I've decided to do WeightWatchers again this summer. If I write it on my blog, it must be true. I figure, if I lose ten pounds every summer, eventually, I will reach an ideal weight. Or something. It always feels good to eat fresh and right in the summer, anyway.

I discovered my key to success: Iced coffee with sugar free vanilla syrup (demonstrated above). It feels so wrong, and it has ZERO points! I'm totally cheating the system. Suckas!

To make things more exciting, I've been working out like a mad woman because I have nothing better to do. Ahhh...summer! Jessica and I are headed to the Farmer's Market-- one of my favorite parts of summer! 

P.S. When Megan and I go to breakfast in Berkeley on Saturday, I'm going to "forget" about this post. If it's premeditated, it's totally okay.

Things around my house that make me smile...

My freakish nephews

A neat pile of GRADED essays

Rocco's grandmother's quilts atop the armoire

Jen's pregnant belly (okay, so I drove to Hemet to find this one)

Fresh flowers from outside whispering, " 'tis spring"

"Sweet Baby's" crib (a Craig's List find)

Just in case I can't sleep, I can pamper

Okay. I admit it. I have a little obsession with birds.

Let's have tea! Soon!

Harvest Time!

And the leftover flowers ensured the most beautiful harvest decorations, ever:)


Roman checking out "yours Halloween sings."

Kimberloo and Brando got married!