God?

I’m an agnostic. There. I said it. My four-year "secret" is now yours, dear Internet.

As I left Sunday School, I got teary eyed on my way to my car two weeks in a row. I was trying so hard it hurt. I felt fake and out of place. My former home-away-from-home is now a place of tension and pain. I get [metaphorically] itchy in church.

I’ve come to terms with where I am, at least for now. It’s not where I want to be, but it is where I am. I’ve always hated the grey areas, and now my very “faith” is one of grey areas. It’s not apathy. It’s an inability to take a side. A road block. I’m trying; trust me.

When I read the Bible, I see literature, and I see a familiar friend. I remember the words with fondness, but they are no longer my sustenance. They have ceased to be the only Truth.

Pascal’s Wager won’t cut if for me. If I’m going to believe, I’m going to believe. I know you probably think I’m going to hell, which might concern you.

I’m not without belief. I believe in humanity, peace, family, education, life, nature, home, laughter, and sacrifice. A reality I know and can trust.