Boring for $500, Alex.

"When it comes to love, even freaks can't wait forever."                    -Meredith Grey in Grey's Anatomy

I wish I could believe that I deserve something better than this. Even if I did believe it, though, believing in it doesn't make it magically happen. I think this is better than nothing, but I really have no idea because I'm afraid to risk losing this in case I change my mind. What if I'm left with nothing and that feels even worse?

Being a feminist should mean that I don't let men treat me like this. Instead, it means I feel guilty about letting men treat me like this.

I'm exhausted. I'm ready for a relationship that's about mutual respect and give and take. I long for the definition I dodged. I'm feeling old and tired and ready.