What does it feel like?

Like watching someone you love being held at gun point for hours on end.
Like waiting to hear back from a job interview for the job of your dreams.
Like a train wreck happening before your eyes, where you would throw yourself in front of the train to save others, but that won't help.
Like walking into a room at a party and realizing you don't know any of the guests.
Like dark storm clouds on mile 1.8 of a three-mile hike.
Like death is real.

I've been having nightmares and panic attacks and breaking down in tears quite a bit. I keep asking myself what's going on with me, but then I remember that it's you I'm worried about. The insane tension makes everyday obstacles seem impossible.

I love you, and I wish I could fix it. I hope you decide to do what you need to do to get healthy. Our hearts are getting heavy from carrying you.