This afternoon, I feel certain that I chose the wrong career.
I'm getting paid peanuts to spend my weekends and evenings grading and planning, to get cussed out by a student whom I've spent far too much time helping/caring for, to give up lunch after lunch waiting for students who have appointments and don't show, and to take on a project I wasn't prepared to take on.
I wish there was an end to my day. I wish I could leave the hurt feelings and ungraded papers in room 103. That's just not how this career works.
The few sweet notes and comments aren't enough. Today, I feel like I'm wasting my life. The effort doesn't match the reward.
How do high school English teachers last?
Monday, February 01, 2010
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7 comments:
And today, when I'm rejected by yet another school district, I would give anything to be in a classroom again, making a difference.
The grass is always greener.
I actually thought of you when I posted this. I realize that it's insensitive to complain about work when so many are out of work. It's sort of like whining about the difficulties of being a parent when so many long to be parents.
At the same time, it doesn't take away from the emotions of being cussed out in front of the class (or being exhausted from the sleepless nights that an infant brings). I am feeling very, very defeated this week.
I totally get that (not that my 5th graders last year ever cussed me out), but I get being so drained and wondering why I chose to get paid like 10 bucks an hour (because we all know teachers work far more than their 40 hours a week).
But I have to believe that it's worthwhile. That I'm contributing more than if I sat in a cubicle all day, inputting data to a computer screen. You know?
Sigh.
Next year, when I'm blogging about my 1st graders (wishful thinking?) and how I'm tired....remind me of these things please. :)
You are wonderful.
Hang in there, Auntie. We love you and are thankful that there are teachers out there, like you, that care so much about their students. We hope that there are still "you" kind of teachers when Jetty is a student.
They pay me in peanuts, too! Weird. I'm not even that big of a fan of legumes.
I think caring makes it harder, but it also makes the difference. It's because there are teachers who care (and because they care get hurt, tired, drained) that some kids will be forever changed. I agree with Kimberly, hang in there!
My dad once told me, "you can do 1,000 great things, and you will always be remembered for the one bad thing you did."
On a similar note, one or two students in a class who don't care are in what we used to call the bottom 10%; the bottom 10% is in every group and every organization and nothing you do will change them.
The thing to remember is that bottom 10% doesn't reflect or represent the whole group and the bottom 10% shouldn't sour your view of the other 90%.
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