You should probably know...

...that I’m a weirdo.

I know you’re thinking, “Check!” Give me a minute to explain myself: It’s worse than you think. I’m moving on the first of the month. (Sing it with me: “It’s the first of the month. Cash your checks and get out.”) I’m going to have a roommate for the first time in over a year. I adore her. Our place is going to be rad. I couldn’t be happier, but I’m realizing how strange I’ve become. Living alone is a weird thing. The proof is in the pudding (I’m not really sure what that means):

Exhibit A: I fall ALL THE TIME! Today, I tripped on my pajamas, fell to the ground, dropped my laptop, and hit my lip on the corner of the computer. My computer ceased to function for about two hours. Thankfully, it’s working once again. Also, on my way to bed, I tripped on the fan cord, which knocked the fan off the stool, and the fan is now lying on the floor looking a bit contorted. I’m too tired to pick it up. And, that was just today.

Exhibit B: I do my laundry on the kitchen counter. The washer and dryer are in the kitchen. Laundry is my least favorite chore. In order to lighten the load (pun intended), I do all of my laundry on one day. Rather than putting clothes away between loads, I fold them and make piles on the counter. Something tells me that Kim doesn’t want my underroos stacked next to the stove burners. They’re clean, but it’s just weird.

Exhibit C: I obsessively check my E-mail and blogs. I admit it. I even read Amy's Humble Musings. I have nothing in common with this woman. She believes in the simple life, and I love to shop. She homeschools her children, and I teach in a public school. She’s reformed in theology, and I don’t give a shit. I’m not sure why I read it. Maybe I secretly want to be her. I had a site tracker on my blog because I wondered if anyone else was as obsessive about checking blogs as me. I deleted it after a few weeks because I didn’t need a new obsession and it was depressing.

Exhibit D: Today, brownies and pizza were my sustenance. I’m not particularly fond of either food. In fact, I really don’t like pizza at all. I’m trying not to grocery shop until I move, because I really need to eat the food I have. I took care of my nephews last night. I made them brownies and my sister brought pizza. The rest, as “they” say, is history. On that note, I very rarely have dishes in my sink. I do, currently, have four Diet Coke cans in my sink. That’s the about the norm.

Exhibit E: I’m an insomniac. It’s 3:00 and I wanted to go to bed long ago. Through the course of the night, I often move from my bed to the couch and back to my bed again. I’m not sure why I move so often; it doesn’t seem to help me sleep. I refuse to believe that the sleeplessness and Diet Coke are connected. To me, Diet Coke is more valuable than sleep.

And, Exhibit F: I talk to the computer, myself, and the radio. I also read aloud when the ADD kicks in. You should probably also know that I’m currently listening to Great Expectations on tape.

There. It’s off my chest. Maybe Kim will read this and put an ad on Craig’s List for a new roommate. I hope not, because, if she decides not to live with me, the cats are next. I vow not to be the cat woman.