WARNING: THIS ONE'S LONG

This is my year-end reflection for my teacher induction program. It's long. So, unless you're incredibly interested in my first year of teaching, you should probably stop here:)

Year-End Portfolio Reflection Letter

I began this year with an incredible feeling of anticipation and (what I thought was) steadfast idealism. As I prepared for my students, I had a very clear purpose in mind. I wanted my students to find solace in my classroom, to learn to be effective writers, and to develop a love for literature. Each carefully prepared lesson related closely to these goals. I hoped to never assign busy work, to never clutter my walls with senseless posters, and to always keep the standards central in my lesson planning. For about two months, I was successful.

As the school year moved along, I was overwhelmed, tired, and a bit disappointed. I learned that my lessons would not always go as I had planned. I found that there were many standards to cover in a very short time. Many afternoons, after my students filed out of my classroom, I laid my head on my desk in a gesture of utter defeat. My pile of papers to grade became very tall, and I forgot what it was like to get eight hours of sleep and to spend my weekends enjoying time with my friends. Much to my dismay, I even had a few superfluous posters making their home on my “purposeful” classroom walls.

All of this time, despite my tiredness and disappointment, I knew that I was meant to be here. I knew that I had discovered my true vocation—this exhausting profession is the one that calls my name. And, all the while, I knew that it had to get easier. I had people tell me, “You’re too happy to be a first year teacher” and “You’re making a big impact in your first year” and “My first year of teaching was the worst year of my life—let’s go out some time” and “I hear very, very positive things about what goes on in your classroom.” So, I pressed on.

Each day that I teach, I am able to zealously snatch bits of teaching wisdom. With the help of my coach and my talented colleagues, I have picked up teaching strategies that work. My fear of talking to parents has lessened (although, I still choose to E-mail over calling home when it is an option). I genuinely care about each student who walks through my classroom door, and I am learning how to become proactive about my compassion. I am discovering that I have chosen one of the most consuming professions, but also one of the noblest. I have found that the part of teaching that I like most is the part where I can reflect and see myself getting better. I cherish the vision of becoming a phenomenal teacher. Obviously, I am not there, but I won’t stop until that vision becomes a reality.

Perhaps my lessons aren’t as carefully designed as they were my first month of teaching, but I’m leaning to be flexible. I’m learning that my careful plans aren’t always the course of action that best suits my students. Each day, I am learning more about the art of teaching. I’m discovering the need to “go with it” and to “tweak” my lessons as we go. An excellent teacher comes to class remarkably prepared, but primed for a few tangents. I am developing the skill of differentiating between needing to “go there” with a discussion and needing to guide my students back to my planned course of action. The tangents that once raised my anxiety are becoming a part of our classroom rhythm. That makes me proud.